Untitled
Kinky Questions
1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?
2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why:
3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed:
4: Something that never fails to make you horny:
5: Where is one place you would never have sex:
6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when:
7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny:
8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone:
9: What is the fastest way to make you horny:
10: Top or bottom?
11: We were about to have sex but (blank): [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in]
12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?
13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:
14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you:
15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex:
16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:
17: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]
18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:
19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?
20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:
21: How big is too big:
22: One sexual thing you would never do:
23: Biggest turn on:
24: Three spots that drive you insane:
25: Worst possible time to get horny:
26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans:
27: Worst sexual idea you ever had:
28: How much fapping is too much fapping:
29: Best sexual complement you ever got:
30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji:
31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut:
32: Fill in the blank: "If they ______, we are fuckin":
33: What your favorite part of your body:
34: Favorite foreplay activities:
35: Love (> < or =) Sex For those of us who don’t remember our math thats “greater than, less than, or equal to]
36: What do you wear to bed?
37: When was the first time you masturbated:
38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?
39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?
40: Have/would you ever have sex outside?
41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?
42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?
43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?
44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?
45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?
46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?
47: Most attractive celebrity?
48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn?
49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?
50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?
51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?
52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)
53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)
54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?
55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?
56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?
57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?
58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)
59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?
60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?
61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?
62: Do you watch porn?
63: How small is too small?
64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?
65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?
66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?
67: Do you feel comfortable going "commando"?
68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn't shaved their pubic hair?
69: If you could give yourself head, would you?
70: Booty or Boobs?
71: If you had a penis/vagina, what would you name it?
72: Have you ever been on an official date?
73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) Y
74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?
75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)
76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?
77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina:
78: If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do? <p>ask me these - K </p>
is that the guy from queer eye for the straight guy?

is that the guy from queer eye for the straight guy?

madison-paige-phaniels:

isolatedsystem:

iwishihadafather:

when british people say “maths” i laugh because thats fucking stupid

when american people say “math” i laugh because thats fucking stupid

when teachers say math i cry because i’m fucking stupid

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

"Rocktard got a bow and arrow!"

curvecreation:

warmskin:

theflippanda:

soooitshannah:

wailesandcops:

I FUCKING FOUND IT!!!!!!!
OH GOD YESSSSSSSS

is that Ryan Gosling in the bottom corner just completely in sync with n’sync….

HAHA RYAN GOSLING IN THE BOTTOM

OH MY GOD I DIDN’T NOTICE HIM UNTIL I SAW THE CAPTION HE’S SO INTO IT HE IS IN THE FUCKIN ZONE

Reblogging for Ryan!

curvecreation:

warmskin:

theflippanda:

soooitshannah:

wailesandcops:

I FUCKING FOUND IT!!!!!!!

OH GOD YESSSSSSSS

is that Ryan Gosling in the bottom corner just completely in sync with n’sync….

HAHA RYAN GOSLING IN THE BOTTOM

OH MY GOD I DIDN’T NOTICE HIM UNTIL I SAW THE CAPTION HE’S SO INTO IT HE IS IN THE FUCKIN ZONE

Reblogging for Ryan!

frankoceans:

breathebieber:

posting since i haven’t seen it on tumblr to reblog yet
enjoy justin bieber falling face first on your blog everyone

THE KID WALKING BY OMG CRYIFGN

frankoceans:

breathebieber:

posting since i haven’t seen it on tumblr to reblog yet

enjoy justin bieber falling face first on your blog everyone

THE KID WALKING BY OMG CRYIFGN

thatfunnyblog:

Just going to keep pissing off my sister until she deletes her Facebook entirely.

thatfunnyblog:

Just going to keep pissing off my sister until she deletes her Facebook entirely.